I am scared. At night, before bed, I think. I always scare myself worrying about the future. But I stand where hopeful and optimistic meets naive and Ill prepared. My mother has lost her job. I yet again, must put my life on hold to help her. Give her my hard earned money again. Struggle in fear again. Am I selfish? I wanted to move back out. Live happily, with my new job in my own home, getting the things I need and want. I earned it. I’m trying to move forward. Slightly irritated I will hand her money every month. To live. Pay check to paycheck. With her. In her house. With her smothering me. I want out. To get out, is to abandon my mother. To get out would be heartless. I love my mother, I do. But I’m scared and she can’t comfort me. I will pray. I guess.

MY motivation for loosing weight. Is finally seeing my sexy self. In December I sat at 210 rockin 18s in jeans. Here I am May 170 in 11s. I feel sexier. I want to be sexier. I want my figure to seemingly flow abundantly against my universal curves.

And of course. of course. I’m planning a visit to my home town. And I’m ready to show em what Im working wit..